| ugh. |
[10 Jul 2009|12:44am] |
i'm never going to be awesome enough.
i think i'm pretty, but apparently i'm only pretty to really creepy unattractive people.
i can't seem to find a guy thats on my level, attractive...
part of me fears that i'm never going to find someone better than dylan.
part of me thinks that i'm never going to find anyone again.
part of me things that i'm just super sexually frustrated.
whatever. forget it.
i'll just stick with being a side kick again,
see how that goes.
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| hi. |
[01 Jun 2009|10:37am] |
my body is so sore from scooping so much ice cream all day long every day of my life. i've come to the realization that this summer is the first that i've been single since i was fifteen. its a weird concept, and i've found myself liking it. i mean, i would love to fall in love and have a boyfriend and all that good shit, but i'm really happy and really content with how things are going right now. i'm not sure that theres really a point to actively searching out someone. if someone wants me, they can let me know. and i'll let them know whether they're on my level or not.
until then, i'm just going to do what i do. not a worry in the world.
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[30 May 2009|10:24am] |
I'm so sick of so many things. Mainly men in general, my newfound lack of apathy of being screwed over. Which seems to happen all the time... How hard is it to find a nerdy but cute, smart but not condescending, working but still has time for me, movie loving, book reading, good-music listening, high-fiving guy that will want to call me his? Seriously, I'm so sick of getting my hopes up. I just feel like nothing lately is quite on my level, quite what I want, and I'm not willing to settle for something that isn't what I want.
Sighhhh.
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| oh man. |
[20 May 2009|05:05pm] |
things are just so confusing all the time as of late.
i just wish i could fast forward to four years from now,
so i could see and understand what will happen.
i'm just sick of the anxiety.
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| lmao. |
[16 May 2009|02:37am] |
|
at what i'm watching. insert whiny entry about hating be lonely.
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| ffffffuck. |
[13 May 2009|09:50pm] |
|
I'm sick of dealing with guys all the time.
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| last night. |
[10 May 2009|11:47am] |
i hung out with laura suzanne scott,
we went to tara's and it was weird.
i haven't seen those kids in what
seems like years - which is was.
i made out with tara, compared boobs
with her and sarah. made an ass of
myself on the phone to brett, got
a little too drunk. saw chris barnes
testicle while tara drew all over
him in orange sharpie. i just kept
thinking over and over in my head,
this is so high school.
but i had a good time.
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| sick. |
[08 May 2009|04:59pm] |
if you want me, tell me. don't get all up on my nuts in person and then never text me. i dont wan tto be a second thought, i won't sit on the back burner, and i'm not holding out for you. so give me what i want or i'm out - I'm not pulling out your insides with my bare hands. I don't need to chase you, I have plenty of guys chasing me. So please, please, please give me what i want.
and if you're smart, you'll do this one thing. and then you can relax, because its smooth sailing after this point.
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[05 May 2009|04:18pm] |
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| im sick of. |
[04 May 2009|12:13pm] |
getting my hopes up.
so if i hope for nothing,
i wont get my feelings afsdafasdf up.
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| everything. |
[28 Apr 2009|02:47pm] |
is eventual.
that high had to end.
now i'm just me.
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| HI. |
[27 Apr 2009|04:59pm] |
|
i hope it storms so hard that it rattles the windows.
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| last night. |
[25 Apr 2009|02:12pm] |
i met a boy with my name.
i went to the beyond.
i chased lightning.
i laid in a hammock,
just hoping for one shooting star.
i had an in-depth chat,
i got kissed.
i raced the sunrise home to see who would make it first.
it was a tie.
i love my life. please don't ruin it.
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|
[21 Apr 2009|03:48am] |
so i hope everyone had as great of a day as me.
:] and i also hope that everyone celebrated.
as well as i did.
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|
[19 Apr 2009|11:29pm] |
today i:
woke up next to someone amazing.
drove home and ate some sausage.
made five dollars at work.
had a nice turkey dinner with the family.
came home and myspaced somemore.
and now i need to go to bed.
its so weird that after two nights in bed with someone amazing,
i have to sleep alone :[
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| ohhai. |
[19 Apr 2009|12:19pm] |
I met a guy. He's adorable, he's funny, he's the best cuddler in the world. When I think about him, it makes my heart beat faster. I get butterflies when I imagine all the places we could go. However... however. I don't want to get my hopes up again. I don't want to think that this could end in a few days.
And at the same time, I'm unable to allow myself a safety net. I don't believe in falling if you have any reservations, and I don't think its possible to fall for someone if you keep your guard up. I'm an open book for him, and hopefully he wants to read more.
Oh yeah. And he's great in bed :]
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| tell me why. |
[16 Apr 2009|11:32pm] |
I like you. A lot.
However....
"istillloveher."
does not give me much hope.
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| wow. |
[14 Apr 2009|12:32pm] |
|
i just want another hand to cover mine, fingers to intertwine, hearts to beat, cheeks flushed from wine.
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[31 Oct 2007|12:23pm] |
omg! post.
this is coming to you straight from my sister's laptop.
how is the world?
i am so disconnected from everything lately,
not just because i dont have a computer at my dad's.
but because i've been hibernated.
tell me whats going on.
i want to know.
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| its hard to let go. |
[19 Sep 2007|12:55pm] |
but sometimes you have to. when god closes a door, he opens a window.
and i hope that the window he opened is really big. so i can jump through.
things that are constantly bugging me:
my weight
my hair
my thoughts
my heart
my brain.
i wish that things could have worked out, for the second time, but they didn't. of course, the first weekend was perfect, and the second time around we slipped into the monotonous schedule that we carried out before. and i didn't want to get sucked back into that world. so, i left again, still wishing that things could have been different. the sex was good, but that wasn't enough to keep me there.
i don't understand women who can stay with someone who doesn't treat them like they're the whole world. i don't understand how someone can stay in a relationship where the love isn't real, where they aren't being treated well, and they don't feel special. maybe i was made different, because i sure as hell couldn't deal with it. maybe i just have a problem with love, and being in it.
no, thats not right. the begining was full of the love, and the end was the point where i felt more alone and numb than i ever had. it just makes me so sad to think that i can still care about someone a lot, and i know that they care about me, but they refuse to change to better themselves and have me. because it makes me feel not worth the change, you dig?
but, i know just as well as anyone else that you can't change anyone. they have to want it themselves.
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